Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
