You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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