eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
