she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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