Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
