sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
