I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
