Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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