these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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