Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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