IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
