this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
