had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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