saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
