Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
