i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
