Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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