How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
