i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
