your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I heard we made out
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
