She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
