the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
