She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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