Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
jump out the window naked night went bad
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
