We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
