If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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