Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
