Swine flu. Run for my life!
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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