My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
