...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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