why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
