so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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