I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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