So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
