is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
