In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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