I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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