drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
