you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
