Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
