I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I fill condoms, not promises.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
