Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
