And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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