the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
