after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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