Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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