in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
