i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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