we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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