i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
